30-year-old woman starts dating after leaving a 9-year relationship, jealous coworker calls her "damaged goods" who only bagged her 33-year-old boyfriend because he has money: 'I called him a sad and fat loser'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 16, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

There are a lot of dudes out there with a nihilistic view of dating and women in general. They believe that women are objects for their own betterment, rather than autonomous individuals with their own desires and goals. Dudes like this are not pulling on dating apps, and instead of looking inwards to see what they could be doing better, they blame women for being superficial and not choosing them. It's hard to be super sympathetic for a guy who is his own worst enemy, especially one who is belittling women in the process. 

One of the cardinal beliefs of incel and incel-lite communities is that women are depreciating assets. They are valuable when they're 21 and "innocent," but they get way less desirable as they age. This goes against the lived experience of most women, and yet the belief persists in online communities and spreads to the real world.

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  • The woman in this story is getting some strange feedback about her relationship from one of her coworkers. He thinks that her relationship with her boyfriend won't last because she had been with another guy for 9 years, making her “damaged goods” who is only being used for her body. What a weirdo!

  • A person with a straight face
    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I wrong for calling a guy a sad and fat loser after he kept telling me how I am damaged good at 30 years old?

    I ended 9 years old relationship and started dating again. I installed Tinder and for me it wasn't that bad as people say it is. I swiped left a lot but the matches I had were good quality and most ended in dates. Not all dates went well but none was a bad experience.
    via u/Commercial-Manner507
  • I am a 30 years old woman and I look better than I did in my 20s. I am more fit, I have a better income so I have better skin care, hair care, dress better. And I did well on tinder.
    via u/Commercial-Manner507
  • A person sitting on a chair
    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Yet this guy is trying to put me down all the time. He is my coworker and we often talk (with all my colleagues about personal stuff. With some I am friends). I started dating (from tinder) a guy who is a business owner, has a good car and is smart and good. looking. We have good chemistry.
    via u/Commercial-Manner507
  • Read the same books, love the same old movies and have the same values in life. I have met his friends already and he wants me to meet his sister this weekend. He is my age more or less. I am 30 and he is 33
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  • And this dude keeps telling me | am way too optimistic. At first he just said Tinder doesn't work and women don't know how to talk (I saw his tinder matches. He turned sual with the women within 5 minutes). Before I met this guy he
    via u/Commercial-Manner507
  • also told me I have an age and for most high value guys I am not even on radar because of baggae and the amount of men I must have been with before. LOL I was with one but even so, this guy I am seeing now didn't even ask about it and doesn't seem to care about it.
    via u/Commercial-Manner507
  • And my other male coworker showed me a text he receieved from this guy. The text said: I pity. her because she thinks that chad wants her more than recreationally. If he didn't have money she wouldn't have looked at him.
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  • Smiling man in a green polo wearing eyeglasses
    via AllGo - An App For Plus Size People

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • And I said he is (What the title said). Not in his face but in front of this other dude. I don't really get why guys (because this is the first time it happened to me, but I saw this attitude plenty of times) are obsessed with our age and calling us names and constantly put as down just because we also have preferences in men (just like they do in women)
    via u/Commercial-Manner507
  • Aware Tackle_6665 Sounds like he was projecting his own insecurities onto you. People who are genuinely happy with themselves don't go out of their way to tear others down.
    via u/Aware_Tackle_6665
  • Commercial-Manner507 OP my other coworker is a single mother. She is a widow so its a bit different, but still, a single mother. And she met a guy who is also divorced and has a kid himself. They are both doing good financially, neither is using the other one and they are getting married next year. She is even older than him. She is 40 and he is 35. This coworker had an issue with her being a single mother and kept throwing statistics and studies at her and how diffficult it will be to find a re
    via u/Commercial-Manner507
  • CharlotteLucasOP All he has is the equally lonely dudes in his echo chamber who would all dearly love to blame absolutely anyone but themselves for their lack of success in finding a healthy and happy romantic relationship. But they'd rather bark about their "statistics" before they'll consider women as individual human beings with innate dignity and value that has nothing to do with their reproductive organs. Or consider that the universe doesn't OWE them a (but chaste) lady (but young ) with a
    via u/CharlotteLucasOP
  • arkaycee The word for him is "incel."
    via u/arkaycee
  • Mundane Oddity I really don't understand why we're using "incel" to describe these men. I found out it stands for "involuntarily celibate" and I find there is nothing involuntary about their celibacy!
    via u/Mundane_Oddity
  • These men are voluntarily putting down women to feel better about themselves (usually for unsubstantiated reasons), being openly obnoxious, salacious dickheads and are surprised they ain't getting any (insert Pikachu face). We must find a better term is all I'm saying.
    via u/Mundane_Oddity
  • CakeisaDie It's a term they use to justify why they are how they are and assign the blame on anyone other than themselves. "It's not my fault" It's not what they are, it's what they want to claim they are and how they self identified. Kinda like how some people call themselves "Brutally Honest" instead of "A_h_le hiding behind honesty."
    via u/CakeisaDie
  • Special Modus Operandi You co worker thinks he's high value and can understand why the women aren't falling over him. Rather than reflect he's thinking he's the victim. He's so insecure. Keep glowing !!
    via u/Special ModusOperandi
  • kissedbyfiya I often consider a variation of Tywin Lannister's quote in cases like this: Any man who has to say "I am high value" is not. There are lots of guys who think the way this one does. Lots of out there who worry about stats, worship people like Andrew Tate, and think that their opinion on women matter. These boys aren't worth your time anyway. It's not like you have to impress ppl like that lol. It's like the trash is taking itself out
    via u/kissedbyfiya
  • Commercial-Manner507 OP Someine DMed me a podcast called Whatever. It is so pathetic that I laughed out loud. Yeah those women they invite there are not people I would want around me, but they specifically go for those extreme type of girls that are by any means representative for all of us (not even half of us). They invite women there and ask for their body count lol. That is the first question usually. Why don't just invite random women? OK, one can be from OF, other from Target, one a corpor
    via u/Commercial-Manner507
  • isamiddelbosch Its a revenge fantasy. They have difficulty finding someone. And when someone else (women) doesnt, they just get jelous and make up these whole scenarios im their heads how women will be undesirable once they are old, how all women are hoes, how all women have baggage, how dating for them will be hard once they are "old", meanwhile for them better etc. Its coping and hes online way to much.
    via u/isamiddelbosch
  • Ok-Listen-8519 Please report to HR. He's creating a hostile work environment. NTA
    via u/Ok-Listen-8519
  • NO_FIX_AUTOCORRECT Unfriendly work environment. Hostile has a specific legal definition and the requirements for it are not met here
    via u/NO_FIX_AUTOCORRECT
  • RecipeOpen2606 Well, you are not dating the fat loser so who cares what he thinks?
    via u/RecipeOpen2606

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